a thing of the past must always be in the past

i have learned my lesson..

yes.. after those trials and errors..i have learned my lesson..
things in the past stay in the past..you can never retrieve it..you can never ever do it, have it, regain it..
it was the past..PAST TENSE..
meaning it was already done..

the hurt the hate

the thing that really hurts the most is the reality that even though you hate him a thousand times you still know you love him a million times deep inside..

you may act like you don't care about a thing in his world..say things that hurts..ignore..but you can't escape the truth..it was just a cover.a mask.and now you hurt..you hurt more than he has..you may say his jokes are stupid and that he hasn't any sense at all..but that's it.. it was just a disguise. an angry disguise to hide what you really feel..

you now hurt. you hurt more than he has with those words you said.. it was painful to see him go and be with somebody else.but..you have to..you know things aren't meant to be.. disaster comes whenever you two are together..you can't seem to agree with the same idea..but the fact is you still ignore it..

he has gone..he has moved on.why can't you?

and now you feel alone in twilight..hoping somebody sees..somebody hears..somebody has a time to read..but it was just wishful thinking..things like this most not be noticed..things like this should stay hidden because if not then you shouldn't have written it here.. you should have posted it somewhere more public..but you know you can't things like these are like viruses..it kills softly..

just an act

it was just an act
but i felt it was real
it was fake
yet i believed it was true
when will we stop pretending
when will be true
to ourselves
 to each other
when will i stop wondering
if what your doing
and what you're showing
is what you really feel
tell me when
will these gray clouds
these strong winds go away..

confused with emotions

i am confused..
you always makes my world upside down..
and when i'm already acquianted with it..
you turn it upside down again..
you say things..
you tell me things..
but at the end of the day..
you take it back..
you make me confused
feelings become bizarre..
things upside down..
world turned around..
why can't you just say..
the truth..
what really matters..maybe then..just maybe..
bizarre feelings while go away..

caught in the middle

have you ever been caught in the middle? in the middle of two opposing forces which explodes in the slightest contact? have you ever been captured in one of those forces and that force keeps charging at you and blaming you just because you keep contact with the other force..? have you ever felt how hard it is to be caught in the middle and be the one always to blame..

it sucks..i hate it but what can i do? i am caught in the middle of fighting and those forces are my parents..i am always to blame..the rebel one they say..i try to understand things but do i always have to the one to blame? sometimes i could escape..i'd try to go somewhere far and live there peacefully..

one says i go for the money and the material things..i choose to understand and that's what i get..i am irresponsible..selfish..the black sheep..is it because i know more than i should and have been thinking for my own? is it because i choose to understand the other side?is it because i never yielded to what she wants?

never has anyone took my opinion on matters as important as that..and i thank that other side...that other force..if she only knew how to do such then i wouldn't be like this..she always thinks that i shouldn't meddle with her things..but isn't it unfair that she can meddle with mine? she always treats me like someone who doesn't know things..someone so sentimental and emotional that it affects the way i have been..

but look things first and see who i really am..have you appreciated me the way you appreciate other things and my sister?did you ever appreciated the craft i have been working on? or do you think it's just foolish blabbering of a child who doesn't really care? did you ever read between those lines? have you ever see through the me i use to hide?no because you were busy comparing and saying i am stupid and selfish..

i just wish you could read this..but then you wouldn't have time..all these things are nonsense..and a waste of time..

i'm over it..and soon i'm gonna be over you too..

so that's it..the end of a foolish feeling for someone..i've said it and he's so dumb not to know it's for him..and i've got the answer..

i'll stop now..let go of you..won't wish again..won't wait for that second chance..it will never come..i'm just wishing in the air..

i'm over you now..i won't look back..got to plan things in front of me now..won't stay and hope to change the past..

i'm done with this thing..this situation sucks..i'll move forward..no turning back..and if ever we meet again in one of the crossings of life..if ever we both are still available..and this feelings inside me is still there..maybe..just maybe that is the second chance i have been waiting..but for now..i know there isn't any second chance..there is any chance..

so goodbye for now..i hope someday we cross path again..

mahal kita..alam mo ba?

mahal kita..alam mo ba?
iniisip kita
iniintay kung kailan muling makakausap
iniintay ang sandaling ika'y muling magisnan
hinihintay na muling marinig ang iyong tinig

hanggang kailan ako maghihintay?
hanggang pangarap na lang ba?
hanggang sa panaginip?
hanggang sa alaala?

naiisip mo kaya?
nararamdaman?
na minamahal kita..
at ayaw kong ipaalam..

nahihirapan man ako
ito ang dapat gawin
ang itago ang pagibig
ang nararamdama'y itanggi

malaman mo sana
maintindihan ang sinasabi
at sana...sana nga'y pareho ng nararamdaman
at pinipintig ang ating mga puso

a thing is a thing and a feeling is a feeling

the thing is you always affect the way i feel.. the way i plan my day.. the things i do..
but you don't notice it, do you?

why are you so ignorant? so insensitive..you make or break my day..but you don't seem to care..

how i wish i was her..but then i was her once..i have missed my chance..and that chance won't come my way again..or maybe? but that was yours to decide.. you don't think i feel this way do you? because you only see the smile in my face..how i wish..yes i really wish..but then i want it over with..

because this feelings hurt me..and this time i don't want you hurting me again..

full moon

full moon in my sight
a quiet night
the owls hooting the crickets singing
and i wishing..
do i ever cross your mind?
do you ever miss me when i'm far?
a peaceful night it is..
an irony to what i've been feeling
storms of feeling inside
crashing within my fragile heart
how i wish you knew
how i wish you'd care..
i wish the full moon could grant wishes too..
cause if she does
i'll never stop till my wish is granted

how i wish i knew then what i know now

feelings..they can kill you..they can reborn you..they can make you..or they can break you..

you let her go..it was your fault.. the most stupid thing you have ever done. now you want her back? how do you think will she react?

you let him go..you have given up..you didn't believe that he'll come back..now he wants you back..but you have already been broken many times..you don;t think it will last..you doubt..though you know deep inside you're heart that you still love him..that you still care..but you let go again..thinking he was waiting for somebody else..how do you think will he feel..

letting go.. the worst part of a relationship..it ends everything..trashes memory..letting go and wanting someone back again..the hardest thing to learn and the hardest thing to do..

the thing that hurts the most

hurt..love left unsaid and kept because it is not meant for you..silenced because it will never work..

does it hurt? yes absolutely..it hurts very much..but who cares..he doesn't even know..he doesn't even know that it hurts every time he talks about her..he is so ignorant..he doesn't notice i flinch..that he makes me happy every time.. and he hurts me most of the time.. 

i should not have let you..but i don't know how to stop..

i'm a hopeless someone..waiting he'll notice that i love him..but he doesn't and that's what hurts the most..

on looking back and looking forward..

years has passed..what have i learned? did i learn to move on? did i learn to hold on to things that matters till you can? questions..did i ever answer them?

four years and counting..has my heart learned how to forget? and did i ever learn how to forget? it like my chain has just expanded.. i thought i was free.. but then realized that the chain was still there preventing me from going too far..preventing me to forget..

i didn't know i have not moved till just recently..i know..i'm stupid..i've messed up..so what? do you care? did you ever notice me like you did before? before things turn out the way i never wanted..or is it that you glance and then pass me by? does i mean a thing to you now?

HOW I WISH THINGS ARE MUCH MUCH MORE DIFFERENT THAN IT IS NOW..i feel lost..i feel sad..but i wouldn't tell you..i wouldn't let you know that the cause of that sadness is you..why would i? its like mocking myself using my own words..

i guess i've done enough to show you signs..but just like then you were so ignorant..so blind with what's so close that you always look far beyond..

if you ever read this message or rather this..(which i know you will)will you please consider me for a moment? will you please tell me it's over and wake me up from this? slap me if you must..just take me out if this..

full moon

here i am alone
looking at the moon
thinking...
and i can't help but wonder
about things
there's so much left
unsaid
unanswered
unspoken
there's so much left to think of..
questions
puzzles
the moon..
oh how i wash i was the moon
wish i can be like it
hide behind my clouds
when i can't take it
no more..
but after all the reminiscing
 i just sit here
and stare at the sky
i thank God
for it was
a beautiful night..

untitled 4

di maipaliwanag
kung bakit nagkakaganito
nasasabik, naiinis
natutuwa,nalulungkot

hindi maintindihan
itong nararamdaman ko
naguguluhan sa puso
ikaw nga ba'y iniibig ko

ilang ulit ng nangyari
nawala ang pagmamahal
ilang beses ng itinanggi
pagibig na nararamdaman

bakit ba?
hindi ko maiwasan
damdami'y di mapigilan
bakit ba?
di na ako natuto
di nadalang masaktan muli ang puso

ilang beses ng nasaktan
sa iyong kamnhidan
ilang ulit ng iniwasan